You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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