I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
