Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
