I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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