So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Vodka?
Forever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
