its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
