you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
