Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Pooping to opera.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
