Three words: puerto rican gang bang
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
