Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
