guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have fence marks all over my body
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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