this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
