yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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