I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
