the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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