you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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