I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yo dont text me then not text me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He felt like a one man threesome
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
