I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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