Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I need moral support for this bender
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
