the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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