I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
