i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
