As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
