Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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