I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
