I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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