there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
