apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
