Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
