i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
