If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
