Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
