well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
