Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
