We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
