One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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