My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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