forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
