I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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