Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
