Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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