So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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