Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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