Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
