He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
