U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
