I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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