Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
