Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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