ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i drank out of a bidet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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