ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
