who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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