I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
