what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
