I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
